IF EKTA Kapoor ever decides to make a sequel for Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi, then she could take a cue from our story. Here's the plot for the sequel: A sari clad bahu enters her new home with her husband. She looks around and smiles from within, thinking about her new-found freedom - she can finally breathe in a sasu-maa-free world.
She moves towards the bedroom, looks at herself in the mirror and struggles to get out of the sixyard kanjivaram silk; she slips into a pair of hot pants and an old loose T-shirt (sans mangalsutra) and admires her size-zero figure in the mirror. And lol she sees saasu maa standing right behind her! In a jiffy she turns but can't see sasu-maa instead it is her HUSBAND, who is staring at her with that familiar scornful gaze that reminds her of her mother-in-law!
The episode, of course, ends here. You can't expect a Kserial to go beyond one particular scene in one episode. In real life, however, the plot is a little less filmy. There are no close-ups or surreal camera angles, but the rest of it is all the same. Women, living away from their in-laws, are complaining of a new mother-in-law already in place - their husband. No matter what, they won't let their wives miss their mothers-in-aw. Right from chopping the right kind of potatoes for French fries to wearing the right clothes - even washing hands after putting on your shoes. In a nuclear set-up, husbands can assume the role of mothers-in-law (or mothers) and become your best (or worst) critics.
KITCHEN CABINET
"My husband has advice to give me even in the kitchen. Husbands should help a woman in the kitchen alright, but he ought to know that the wife is the boss there. Too much interference and criticism - it gets a little hard at times for me to tolerate," says Ananya Ram, 28, an advertising professional. She is at her wits end trying to figure out where the man she loved and married is. "I have never really stayed with my mother-in-law, but I am sure it would have been the same. I might as well have married my mother-in law, except of course...," she giggles.
Ram has been married for just a year and her husband can perhaps teach her a thing or two about cooking. But is it fair for a man to interfere with the functioning of a perfect kitchen that has been churning out some finger-licking recipes for over 30 years?
"No," says Chitra Ahluwalia, a 31-year-old housewife. "My father loves to get into the kitchen and tell my mother what to do. My mother fumes with rage whenever he does something like that. After 30 years of cooking, if someone tells you how to cook, you will definitely blow your top," says Ahluwalia.
REBEL WITH A CAUSE
Ten years of marriage has taught 35-year-old Shikha Gulati a lot. She is now an expert in tackling the husband-disguised- as-mom-in-law phenomenon. "Husbands do become a reflection of their mothers, especially when they are not living with them. Often, they try to force their mothers' opinions on their wives," says Gulati.
"They want everything to be the way it was when they were living with their mother. And the worst part is they keep getting tips from their mothers on the phone," she says, talking of her own experience. "But I am a very independent person and often rebel and do what I feel like," she says and talks about the time when she packed her bags and went off to Jim Corbett with her children on a school trip.
"He always tells us not to do certain things and I do just the opposite. We keep telling him to take us on a holiday, but to no avail. I couldn't watch my children getting bored so I went off with the kids. My husband kept wondering what was happening," says Gulati. Her husband obviously puts up a protest. "He stops talking to me for a couple of days. But then I am the one who takes the initiative to resolve the problem," she giggles. "So now I tell him about my plans at least two days in advance," she says.
Ahluwalia considers herself lucky that she has a comparatively 'cool' husband. "Just give him good food and he will be happy," she says. But she has friends who constantly dictate their wives on what to do.
"Too much of male domination is intolerable. There is a saturation point to everything. I have friends whose husbands keep ticking them off for every small thing. They tell them what to wear, how to conduct themselves, what hairstyle should they get and how to cook. If they ever go out for dinners, they are the ones who place the order. They interfere in anything and everything," she says. "They want their wives to change and they question their wives individuality, which is definitely wrong," adds Ahluwalia.
BLESSING IN DISGUISE?
However, it is much better to tolerate an interfering husband than a nagging mother-in-law, admits Ahluwalia. "Husbands might be assuming the role of mothers-in-law, but sometimes it can be a blessing in disguise. We do need a critic at home and I can't go on taking all the decisions on my own. Someone has to question them too. That way some balance is maintained," Ahluwalia says.
Ram too gives her problem a second thought. "My husband acts more like my mother, than my mother-in-law. If I could live with my mother for 27 years and still be in love with her, I am sure I will be able to tolerate my nit-picking husband as well," says Ram.
For Puja Bakshi, a 33-year-old housewife, it is the other way round. "My husband is more chilled out when he is alone with me. But he tends to get a bit critical when my mother-in-law comes visiting. He wants me to maintain a particular decorum when his parents are around," says Bakshi. Since she was brought up in a nuclear family, she saw the same thing happen in her family as a child.
"My father was also very chilled out with my mother. But again when my dadi would come visiting, he would get a bit critical," she says. However this doesn't bother her even one bit. Bakshi puts things into perspective: "A marriage is all about companionship. You become friends with your husband after a while. And there's nothing wrong if your friends get critical. After all your friends are your best critics." Now this is something that Ekta Kapoor will never talk about in her serial.
